mind-blogging

there is something about living on campus that keeps me sane. at home I have a curfew stamped on my forehead every night that friends can still joke about. I am almost 20, yet my mother still doesn't trust me enough to be home at a reasonable time. I respect that, but I am also guilty of trying to stretch it plenty of nights, only to return home seeing her asleep in the living room, waiting for me. it's funny how hurting my mother hurts me back, so when I am living under the same roof, I follow the rules.

but over here it's different. all this space belongs to me. for once I get to decide when to do what I want to do, to say no and have people accepting it, to have responsibilities and not have others checking on me. I realise I hate restrictions. I don't want to be tied down by curfews and Rules For Your Precious Daughter. my fears are enough to prevent me from getting close to any form of undesirable acts- I'm afraid of drunk people, large groups of people, loud people, lung cancer, vomitting in the taxi and getting kicked out by the taxi driver, and waking up some morning on someone's bed without my clothes on. I get it; the world is Bad, and you want me to be Good.

I think space has always been my answer to happiness, and with all that I have right now living in NTU, I couldn't possibly be more contented. space lets me hang out with friends on school nights til 2am. space makes me miss my mother and gets me home before 11pm every weekend just for her. space also doesn't make me feel like a spineless girlfriend who has no guts. I'm getting attached to living on my own that I think I'll be sorry if I don't get a room next year, eventhough I live in Tampines (that's 9 points earned) and have an active uni life (has to be at least worth 10). curfews and hall allocating systems may be unfair, but from Mondays to Fridays I am my own woman, and that's enough. it really is.