after-thought.
I am old, but not old enough to get a job. so I get green packets from relatives, my parents and my siblings. I have cousins who are younger but have begun work, and they give out money to the little children. and then Uncle Pat and Uncle Simon come visit us last week, handed out packets to me, my sister and Amri (who really came to the right place at the right time) and said as long as we're not married, they'll continue giving money to us.
I will never understand customs. I visited Cik Ana's house during Hari Raya and she told us it wasn't necessary to wear baju kurung. she is Chinese, raised by a Malay-Muslim woman who adopted her. my mother insists we wear traditional clothes but I don't see why she's so bent on customs since she's not Malay anyway. my
father who is Malay would rather not wear baju kurung. I have been raised as a Malay-Muslim woman in a rather confusing environment, that sometimes I just feel like throwing everything that's been imposed on me and start my own customs.
traditions are for security. traditions you don't like, specifically, just make you uncomfortable and obliged to carry them out. my family celebrates New Year every year by having a big dinner. I love these dinners because they invite other people to join us so it becomes a rather enjoyable affair. the night before Hari Raya, everybody comes home to break fast for the last time together. we never make it a must, but my siblings have always made a point to be there to eat with us too. I don't know how these traditions came about, but to me they might as well be customary, something I want to adopt when I'm old enough to start my own family.
I don't really understand my family sometimes. my siblings and I were raised by two people who have very different views on culture and religion. which made me torn when I was growing up, because I wasn't sure which one I should adopt. so I ended up making my own funny principles, like you shouldn't be smoking, drinking or having pre-marital sex and all that, but if you want to try go ahead, just don't instigate others into doing them. my rule is easy- do what you want as long as you know what it is you're doing. don't force others to do what you do- if it's your right to choose then it should be theirs too.
it all boils down to responsibility I guess. being answerable for the things you have done. I like how my parents give me just enough freedom to decide all this on my own, though I know they'd never agree to these views. I know sometimes I complain about my 'rojak' family, but actually when you think about it we're not that bad after all. if you were to ask me about my race, I'd tell you I am Malay, because my father is Malay. my religion is Islam, because my parents are Muslims. but somewhere along the way, while growing up, we made our own interpretations of who and what we are (
which I'm sure some people are disagreeable to, but you know, it's really not up to anyone else to judge).
I can't believe I've said so much. usually it takes me a long time to sit down and come up with something to say. I guess when inspiration hits you, it always hits you hard. I kinda wish I'll be more thankful of my family for being so cool. I mean, they may seem weird and funny but they're very lovely people and I'm very proud of them for sticking to their guns this entire time, not having a care of what others say about us-
- I just realised your family makes a big part of who you are. so if my Thai-Chinese mother is high-strung and silly, if my Malay dad is quiet and corny, that makes me...
...
oh.