TGIS man, TGIS.
Saturday's gotta be my favourite day of the week. it's when I'm free from work, free to do what I want. got a call from Cik Siti who asked if I could come down slightly earlier for tuition cos she was going to a relative's house in the afternoon and the kids have been bugging her to come along. and you know I'd do anything for those two, so I said okay.
I gave them a Maths test as promised. I think I was kinna mean to give them Challenge Problems. when you're a kid and you see those words, it feels awfully intimidating. think I killed them for a moment. then again this is for their own good, and they'll look back and thank me in the future.
we moved on to English after that. I decided to give them a short lesson on Composition writing, and after discussing on what 'A Lucky Day' could mean, I asked them to write their own short story. in the midst of writing, Hafiz looked up and asked me about hurricanes. then Aslinda got distracted and asked me about the Black Hole. I got very excited because I love being able to tell them something they don't know- could be my ego, or the fact that I'm so
giving- so I rambled on for as long as I could. then I realised they were supposed to be doing their work, so in my most grown-up voice I said okay you must finish your compo first, and after that I'll tell you more.
and you know, they actually listened to me.
after talking to Ah Hui later on over lunch, I decided the reason why I love them so much is only because I see them once a week. I don't think I'd have enough patience to see them every day, to entertain their questions and try to be their friend
and guardian at the same time. it seems so daunting, and such a feat is asking for too much from me. even when I'm tutoring, there are times when they're testing my patience and the limits I've set for them. I don't like to scold (yeah right) but honestly, occasionally it's the best way to teach.
sometime today, I think I saw myself through my parents' eyes. it was probably when Aslinda told me she wanted to give up on the test cos it's too hard. her face looked tired and I know she tried cos I often checked on her discreetly. but I said no, you must continue trying, you must try and finish it all up. and then she had this completely heart-breaking look in her eyes, as if she was angry at me for forcing her to do something she hated, but she couldn't say anything because obviously, I was in charge.
I actually felt bad. and I wanted to tell her to stop, to take a break, but she couldn't have it easy all the time, so I kept quiet. now I know why Mum would rather be firm and push me whenever she could.
Huan Geng called me last night when I was having dinner with Mon. it dawned on me how much I miss the people from school. now that we've graduated it's so hard to keep in touch with everyone. I really appreciate his call- it kinda got me realising I hadn't seen him in a long time. it's so typical of me to make empty promises, like telling him I wanna go back to school one day just to play softball. it's January now and I haven't done a single thing about it. I love work, I do. it'll just take me a while to love it and not want to be back in school as well.
after visiting Nuu at the airport today I suddenly had this urge to run. so I did, and what a rush it was. I remember again why I used to run so often. I'm not sure if I love running though, cos nobody loves breathing right? it's just something that I do, without any conscious thinking since it comes so naturally for me. actually I'm not so sure if I can still say that in the future, because something says running might soon turn into a chore. and I hate doing anything with dread or reluctance. I hope nothing will ever beat running. nothing.
my day feels complete even though it hasn't even ended. tomorrow I plan to wake up at 8, do nothing until 1pm, where I camp infront of the tv and flip channels til we go for dinner. I've decided to treat my family; it's just a way of paying back all those years they've been there for me.