say a little prayer for me.
yesterday as I was crouching in a corner with Tricia, my sister and Tricia's cousin, hoping no one would notice that we weren't really sure what to do, I admit I was about to be religiously enlightened before the girls started giggling because they realised they looked really strange wearing the tudung, when it was clear to all of us that we do not even come close to appearing the same way in public.
I didn't know what I was doing there. all Mum told us was to come down on Sunday for prayers. just to prove to you how ignorant and
stupid we were- imagine a group of girls staring at page One of a prayer book, faithfully holding on to it as if they were reading and understanding, when everyone else around them were genuinely praying and had already gone to page 45 at the end of the session. which took about 1 1/2 hours.
I think we must've been very convincing to go unnoticed. either that or the makcik-makcik around us were blind.
don't get me wrong. I would love to be more aware of my own religion and take it all as seriously as it rightfully is. I just thought it's unfair for others to thrust us into an environment and expect people like me to feel comfortable immediately. to be honest I was more pleased about being able to mingle with my relatives after the maulud. one, because I didn't understand what the scary bearded man was praying about and two, I didn't know why I had to sit there at the back of the room with all the women, when it was clear the men had so much space and they always,
always get the food first. I would never voice this out to my elders, because to them little girls should be not be seen, they should be in the kitchen or in the bedroom accepting Fate and not be so inquisitive. I hate that.
after the entire ordeal was over, I made my way home setting a resolution for myself. I decided I would make more effort to pray and read up about Islam because I am a Muslim and that's how things should be.
then my boyfriend called and we made plans to meet. and I got distracted so now I don't even know what happened last night.
this is how I will never make a good muslimah.