this is not a conniption either.

not that I'm trying to be dramatic or anything, but I really think I'm having a bad day. I'm not the sort to list down everything that's gone wrong, but let's just say everything really has, so far.

I'm starting to think I may be missing out on a few things in school. not sure exactly what, but people there seem to know what they're doing much better than I can. of course I have the clearest picture as to what I'm good at and what I like, but unfortunately and somehow almost typically for me, it stops there. I don't know where to go from here, which 'skill' to hone, whether I should be worrying about the sort of money I'll bring in after I've graduated, and if just following dreams is the way to go, am I really that sort of carefree person who'll be happy just living in passion? I really admire people who just know from the start, exactly what they want and how they're going to get it. sometimes I hate being an in-between, because it's just a nicer way of saying I'm erratic and indecisive. fickle. therefore, immature.

I'm happy, I am. maybe I'm slightly unsure and hesitant, but most of the time I have a good feeling in my heart. I guess...most of the time I'm just tired of being good enough, of being simple and plain and like everybody else. it's not attention that I'm looking for, or even credit. I just want to like the skin I'm in- I want to be comfortable. but at times when I should be, I'm actually not.

oh and by the way, to rub salt onto my wounds, I somehow for the love of all things electrical cannot seem to open my emails on Hotmail. I seriously have no idea because I have tried to the best of my abilities (which I know doesn't get me far but see I tried and my mother says if you try that's all that matters) and I am now basically really frustrated because I can't reply to Chronicle emails, or any music distributors, or to Cathay, or Picturehouse neither can I even know WHAT the blue fuck their emails contain so I am just going to put a notice up here, that sorry you cannot contact Fariza through her Hotmail account, and if anything do (for now) email her at fari0003@ntu.edu.sg.

but if you spam me I will kill you. and no, it is not funny at all.