leaving things unsaid, breathing deeper instead.

sometimes a voice in my head says so much so quickly that the only message I catch is that it wants me to stop. just stop. so I wait, long enough for the feeling to go away. it frightens me because I want more time, as we always do, to be better and wiser and good. I really want to be good. but what upsets me is that I rush some things too much, that I forget my own intentions and just try to complete my tasks with minimum effort and a disappointing attitude.

today was comfortable. my favourite parts of the day were lunch with all the girls, and walking back to my hall with Rizan after class. he is home for me, in a place where things are somehow still new and unpredictable. the beauty with all the littlest things is that you never have all the time in the world for them; just enough to get a glimpse of how delicate and wonderful that one moment is, before it passes and all you get is a sense of...I don't know. it is peaceful and makes you believe life is as complete as it can be for the moment, which is strangely one of the most comforting experiences in the world.

God I forgot how much I love writing with all my heart. I want to write, but enough of deadlines and threatening consequences. I just want to put all this down, so my future self can look back at the past and know I tried doing something worthwhile.