invincible

my highest high? production last night in the newsroom. by 1 am we were all hungry and slightly delirious, and amused ourselves by poking fun at the things people say. I think editors are secretly pretty obnoxious people and it's such a wickedly fun thing to be. in private only though, in the comforts of the newsroom. before every production we'd stand before the huge whiteboard and look at the page projections, and I always wait for the feeling of anxiety to set it. an empty board with little scribbles means trouble, and we hardly ever have a full one by Thursday night.

but I know why I do this. why I frown and perspire and get stressed up over every single detail, and entertain thoughts of quiting or that I may not be good enough but sticking it out anyway. one of my biggest fears was the possibility of ending up feeling jaded about journalism. I would hate to be disappointed by one of the few remaining things I still have faith in. I definitely have so much more to learn, and if I make mistakes I think I'll still be okay. because you just have to keep on trying, and trying and trying till you're sure that it's not what you want, or that you were meant to do it your whole life.

so I suppose I can be responsible in the real world afterall. tonight though, I want to be a kid and have my parents fuss over me, watch as much tv as I can till I fall asleep in my living room. on other days I want to be mature and decisive and thoughtful. tonight I can just be plain old Fariza. tonight I'm home.