first things first- remember you're not dead yet.
oh how I wish I could write the way I wrote last year. I believe I believed every single thing I wrote then. nothing dared to stop me. it was all true and real and brutally right. I don't see myself getting better as I grow older. whatever they tell you about maturity is just Bullshit. it's Bullshit also, that you don't fall out with people even after making pacts and swearing your love and drinking one another's blood.
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it's times like these when you're laughing out loud with friends that you realise one day in your lifetime you might end up not loving them anymore. you become a child and say it's okay because people come and go so the voice in your head asks is that why you didn't try to keep them for a little bit longer?
oh I know this answer I do I say you're scared I say you don't trust me anymore." - July 20 2005
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it's highly frustrating knowing you're slipping away but not wanting to do anything about it. then I panic, and struggle to make myself feel better with any sort of fake consolation. but you'll see me tomorrow and realise I'm still the same.
in Kon's words, I am problematic. just like my Lit essay." - October 19 2005.
why do I need to equate writing well with tension and fury? because that's when I am most vulnerable and honest. I don't see a need to act anymore when you've stripped me bare and I am left with only my hands to write, and my heart to feel.
