live through this, and you won't look back.
after living on my own and making new friends the past 2 months or so, it's only now that I realise all along I've been trying to find ways to move on. I wasn't aware the entire time that I was actually stuggling to make peace with what I had in the past, and what I've gained right now. I am in a new environment. I have a life here, a life I am very much happy with. there is no more uncertainty about where I should be. I used to struggle trying to strike a balance between my past and present life, but now I realised it's futile trying to make things stay the same as they were. maybe we've all gone too far with our own lives to hold on to whatever's already been done.
why is place so important in breaking or making relationships? because when someone moves away it's difficult to find her again. in due time she'd be losing herself in somewhere new, but is it really fair to make someone feel guilty about moving on, for doing something different on her own? we all have friends who never stay the same, never stay in one place for long. I know I do that often. I'm afraid of making promises to anyone- if I had to say anything reassuring I'd just tell them I'd be around for as long as I should be. and that's fair. we decide where we want to be, physically or mentally. if I tell you I want to leave, don't ask me to stay. life is too short to be spent in only one place.
but sometimes I hate that boundary that defines where you are, the one that says I'm here and you're there, and there's nothing we can do about it. it makes for a messy ending. big changes take place, the kind that leave divorced parents fighting for custody of their children, couples struggling to keep what's rightfully theirs after a breakup, friends pushing the blame on one another after graduation- it's my fault for leaving, and it's your fault for staying put. we don't get points for making an effort to keep our lives relevant to each other. when the bottom line tells you two people are no longer in the same place they used to be, there is no point trying. things can never be the same again.
funny though, how at the end of it all, people still keep on fighting. whether you're the one staying or leaving, crying or rejoicing, you still want to hold on and try your very damn best to keep someone because maybe, just maybe, deep down you're very afraid of what happens once you let go.
could it be that no matter how hopeless things are, there's always something left to save?
