this shaking keeps me steady, I should know.

I never thought I'd be a struggling student in school. but lately it seems that way. I've seen myself running around class after class, struggling to pay attention struggling to speak up struggling to understand. why does everyone have to be smarter than me? perhaps the more pressing question is; why do I have so much difficulty fitting in?

sit in a Journalism and Publishing class and you'd understand. the tutor asks you a question what is the purpose of journalism? and you say it must provide a forum for public criticism and compromise. he goes do you think the Straits Times provides this sort of platform? and you go not really and you tell everyone why.

the tutor nods, says okay, good try.

GOOD TRY.

I am rarely hyper-sensitive about what teachers say to me. most of the time I just take it with a pinch of salt, meaning forgetting it once class has ended. but this one, this particular one has always left me feeling unsettled. I don't know why I have to feel so nervous. I give myself unnecessary pressure because the people here are GOD.DAMN.INTIMIDATING. and it's not their fault for being really smart. not my tutor's fault for saying that my answer was a 'good try.' I love what I'm learning because everything is so new, but I just wish I could start feeling comfortable with my own ideas and won't find problems articulating them.

I feel like the grandest fool sometimes. other times I just feel like grabbing a bunch of newspapers and stick it up somebody's ass.