if only things were a whole lot easier.

then maybe I'd be able to meet my TK girls whenever I want to. I feel slightly detached from my old regular life each time Nora calls and I realise Al's with her and they're passing the phone to each other giggling and shouting WOMAN WHEN CAN WE MEET YOU! oh ladies, you can meet me anytime on weekends, or weekdays after 7, or in the wee hours of the morning. nowadays Time hasn't been kind, leaving me less and less of it each week. with more projects coming up and deadlines drawing nearer, it seems like there's no time for me and me alone, simply because time doesn't really exist.

I like mornings the best here in my room, with the windows open so I can feel part of the Outside and the rain when I'm actully stuck in here, with Nab behind me at her desk, probably feeling the same way. it's been a month since I moved out. my mother still sends me her I miss you the house has been quiet without you sort of messages, which often leaves me slightly upset later. I know she misses me, I miss her too. so why do I feel like those messages are more of emotional blackmails than honest declarations, because with them I find it difficult to be on my own, that I feel guilty for wanting to have my own life?

I know though, that either way, deep deep down perhaps I'm happier being at home with my loony family.

school's been better since my last entry. I'm quite abashed at how petty I sounded, but hey no excuses right? I suppose it takes time. regardless of how much I've been given, I really should live it all up, so I won't have to start my entries with 'if only things were a whole lot easier.' mental note: quit whining and feeling sorry for yourself. you're so much smarter than you think. at least, quit thinking you're stupid because according to the dean, CS students come to NTU with the 'highest A level grades in the school', or something like that. I think I wasn't paying attention that day. I can only recall myself laughing at the ah pek standing in front of us, wondering why the hell is he calling himself our dean.