remember to breathe.

these are the kinds of friends I'd like to have for life. the sort you don't meet often but will always fondly remember. the people you can sit with for hours after an eventful dinner laughing away, making long hours so much shorter than they usually feel. time passes so quickly when any form of silence is overwhelmed by our loud and sometimes rude chuckles, rambunctious wit and enthusiastic animations. 3 people felt like a comfortable, familiar crowd that night, and I realise it is only with them that I can truly find myself letting go.

I realise I've been silently counting down the days til I officially move away. somehow I feel more reluctant now than ever, because I always worry I'll never find anyone who comes close to the friends I have now. suddenly we're all in different schools, learning completely different things. I have faith we'll be as strong as ever, yet I'm saddened that this faith may be the only thing I can hold on to at the end of every day, before I go to sleep in a lousy small room on a cold hard bed with little air to breathe.

it's always hard to breathe in a place you don't want to be in.

I wonder why I'm getting cold feet, because I was the one who chose to live on campus in the first place. I wanted to move out, I feel like I had to move out because for so long it felt stifling to be in a house with so many adults, watching them watch their own lives pass them by. I don't want to be like that. I am terrified of being their age and wondering where my youth went to- did I feed it to the wasted days clamming up instead of speaking up, wishing and worrying instead of taking charge? if one could only choose one thing to hate, I would hate to regret. therefore I shan't regret making this decision, I shan't regret wanting to try. hopefully living on my own will teach me something my parents never got to. unfortunately right now, there's only one way to find out.