I know who I want to take me home

finally tomorrow we get to meet up and do something together. I feel like it's been months since I last saw Nuha and Tuty, then when I think about it I realise it's true- it has been months since we met up. I think this is how it'll be like the next few years. already I'll be separated from the girls by deciding to study in a different school. with projects and tutoring and the fact that I'll be living on the other side of this island (what's with me? seems like I was made to grow apart from friends. I keep on finding ways to detach myself from all things familiar) I suppose it'll be much harder to meet up and not feel so weird as an individual.

because Nuha's right. when I'm with them I don't feel so different. I feel like we all make sense, that as a group we are kooky but being kooky together is always funny. so I don't have qualms about who I am when the girls are with me. I know this all sounds very juvenile, that I need to be part of a group of friends to feel like I belong, but I suppose as I grow older I've become more desperate to hold on to whatever's left of my youth. and since I think youthfulness is a state of mind, I will keep on thinking about my kooky old friends and think about the kooky things we do, and will never ever replace the word kooky with something more mature-sounding because kooky is us and I am not ashamed.

suddenly it's starting to really feel like July. because when I think about July I think about August, a month synonymous to moving out and letting go, making friends and breaking old habits. it's harder than I thought, eventhough I'm starting to have hope in the People of NTU, like the boyfriend and the roomie and the ex-TPJCians I have never spoken to before. I think they'll be nice. I hope they'll like me.