the ode.

last night I celebrated Mother's Day with two mothers, two fathers, one brother, one sister, one sister-in-law, one brother-in-law-in-the-making, and one faithful boyfriend. that should rightfully add up to ten, and if you're unable to picture it, just imagine a lousy soccer team like Chelsea running around the field, minus the goalkeeper.

that's how chaotic dinner was.

[and by now I should've officially offended every Chelsea fan there is out there.]

I spent most of dinner marvelling at them, my mother especially. I saw how she good-naturedly talked to everyone at the table, making sure no one feels left out. she's such a stubborn, feisty woman. growing up I was always torn between emulating her beliefs and swearing to never turn into such an anal-retentive person, one constantly obsessed with gaining control over her entire life.

but last night I saw a different side to my mother.

you're probably thinking, oh just because it's Mother's Day I have to get all melancholy about my relationship with my own mum. you're right. and I'm glad I am this way, because I know on other days I am always taking her for granted, telling myself she will always have my back because that's what mothers are supposed to do, isn't it? the thing is I was never especially close to my mother. she has the final say in the house, and often we disagreed because my opinions were too liberal for her.

I know I don't think I will ever understand. but perhaps that's not the point. perhaps it's just more important to show more respect to someone who has taken care of you, to say thank you because you haven't done so the last 19 years. my mother says she doesn't want me to be just like her. she wants her daughter to do all the things she never got to do, that's why she pushed me when I was growing up, even when all I wanted to do was raise the white flag with my little right hand. and now we don't regret, because hey I've got alot of things to be proud of, and I don't have to be ashamed of the person I'm turning into.

when I was 8, even with tears in my eyes because I was tired of all the scolding, I knew I still wanted to be just like my mother. yes I know she doesn't want me to, but just look at all her qualities and the things she taught me. it takes more than just strength to have a marriage, build a family. and she did it. at 56 years old.

now I'm 19, and my mind hasn't changed one bit.