hopefully this is enough.

waking up to an sms saying I've been invited for an interview and writing test with the Dream Faculty is supposed to be the perfect way to make my day. funny because I don't feel any different. right now I'm just tired. but sleep isn't what I need. my life feels messy as I sit here wondering how the hell did last night end the way it did. and why. oh wait, I know why. I blame my overtly self-righteousness, my tiresome prudent ways. perhaps by noon I'd come to believe it didn't happen. one should be so lucky.

today I thought about us. I thought about how accomodating he's been, the way he gave me space and how regardless of every single flaw he is here to stay. I wonder what I've done to rightfully deserve him. I'm not always open about my feelings with people, but right here right now I can honestly say that I love him. and that I hope to God and to everything else that we'll keep this up for as long as it should last. because nothing before this has ever felt so...ideal. it's like we fit together. no mistakes. we just do.

last night when we were walking back and from somewhere for some obscure reason, Jordan Hill was singing Remember Me This Way. she sounded in pain, maybe to let us know we weren't alone in this. it was a morose occasion and the air was heavy with my silences. I suppose if my life were made into a movie, the song for the friendly ghost would make up my soundtrack. and that makes me sad, in a morbid, dark-humour sort of way. because it's easiest to deal with unhappiness by making light of the situation. in other words, when all else fails, deny and laugh, deny and laugh.

hopefully that's enough.

//I've decided that he...is everything I need.