my frustrations for the way I think.

I've become hollow. I woke up today with no motivation to do anything, and I'm not sure why. to say I broke down wouldn't make sense because I didn't feel morose or depressed. just hollow. and I hardly had any thoughts in mind. I just went about not having any aim, perhaps subconsciously refusing to study because deep down I don't see a point anymore. I'm tired. and rebelling against myself. I know I'll snap out of this soon, but the process of recovering is frustrating. I want to shake off these confusing feelings, in a bid to discover some form of motivation to get back on track. for the past hour I've been staring at my notes, hoping something miraculous happens and I am magically transformed into a girl who bothers about her life. so far, not good.

don't you think I'm being difficult? I think I'm a complex character. budding psychologists might want to study me some day. if Freud were alive he could write a book about me. then maybe he'd be able to name my idiosyncratic behaviour. for now, we'll just call this temporary insanity.

it's highly frustrating knowing you're slipping away but not wanting to do anything about it. then I panic, and struggle to make myself feel better with any sort of fake consolation. but you'll see me tomorrow and realise I'm still the same.

in Kon's words, I am problematic. just like my Lit essay.