all the people, so many people

everything's out. I'm glad I'm where I wanted to be last year, when I did the geeky thing of setting targets for myself. but just when I was getting contented with what I already have, people come and ask why settle for that if you can do better? you know, saying things don't help; I'd rather you present me with a solution first. teachers are starting to put thoughts in my head and making impossible success my biggest problem. maybe I should just tell them I'm planning to get married after the As.

sometimes I think it's hard- trying to make sure the past stays behind you. once in a while there will always be some sucker who simply can't let go and clings on you like an emotional leech. we're all happy, so why bring it up again? it's quite sad that I've grown completely indifferent even when they make it seem like I haven't changed. my God, you weren't there to see the effort I made, were you.

I really wish we'd stop wrecking each other's personal space.

oh and regarding something else. I can't believe I didn't see it coming. I mean I did, but I've always managed to shrug it off because it's much easier to deal with that way. I suppose knowing made me feel sad somehow, because it seems like a big waste. to say I'm not bothered would've been a downright lie, because the big revelation came to me when I was BATHING early in the morning. I think I've been thinking about this more than I thought. really it was the perfect time to be shouting EUREKA! but of course I didn't because I hate saying things I don't know the meaning to.

I think, I can be quite stupid at times. I say at times because it's quite impressive to be able to finally put two and two together on your own. it all began six months ago [as all good stories start around that time] and when I told a friend I've found out myself, she called me a freak because I found out so soon. then I told her I was good, and that I really should be a detective some day.

well, I should. =]

okay okay I would like to.