why does it always rain on me. is it because I lied when I was seventeen?

you've no idea how hard it is to try and be a little selfless when deep down you know you've been doing this all for your own sake. I'm sorry if I seem distracted lately and can't be with you as often as I used to. just don't sound so disappointed; it's not like I promised you the world then let you down. it's hard enough having to chase after Time don't tell me I have to chase after you too. I don't think so I don't think so.

I spent last night at the void deck with my cousin who wanted to borrow something. we talked about the past, our parents, her ex-boyfriend and my inability to be kind to others who deserve it. I couldn't help but analyse every single thing she said, as if I knew people always had underlying meanings tucked in between their words and it takes a demented girl like me to figure them out.

"maybe you don't like him you just like the idea of him." Fariza Salleh, what was your fucking point again?




I don't answer questions like that. I don't know how to.




so. it's two weeks to Prelims and ten weeks to the A Levels. which is more or less a whole month of hell coupled with emotional breakdowns and attempted suicides. [ooh how nasty.] I haven't really decided what I want to do in 2006. maybe get a job that doesn't involve teaching or cleaning. and with no committments to anything else, I'm sure anyone would love to hire me hahahaha. my siblings and I are thinking of taking a trip to Thailand, and after a few weeks of gorgeous tanning in Phuket I'm sure we'll feel more attached to our Thai roots. pity my mum can't speak her native language, and I'm obviously digressing.

it's times like these when I feel like running to my girls and shove ice-cream down our throats, singing The Boys of Summer like we could carry a tune.

I miss being stupidly happy.