not for real

last night was simply beautiful and i loved sitting there with Mother and telling her things i wouldnt usually be open about. Mother is understanding and she's really an amazing woman although sometimes i think she's just like Them. why do we always have to wait for a long time before we start telling each other how we feel? when she left to join Father [who was too afraid to go near the water] i closed my eyes and reached out my hands to touch the soft breeze and for a moment in my head i saw you. and then i saw someone else smiling in a distance and i realise you'll never have to be alone for the rest of your life and i suppose you're happy. and because of that i'm happy. i think. but not because you're happy i realise ive always been given chances to feel that way just that i chose to not recognize it because i was too busy clinging on to what's left of you. because you've been secretly drifting away all this while and ended up telling me too late and so now im just contented with having thebuttalks and the best friend and chickoo. who, by the way, is the hottest chicken around but that's not my point tonight i just think i should stop taking away happiness from everybody because it isnt something i can have for myself just by snatching it away from you.

last night i heard Someone telling me to let you go and i was confused because i thought hafent i done that already? but i think Someone knew me better than i knew myself so i grumbled and say finefine i'll move on but not until you give me back my green underwear. so in my head i saw you walking away from me and i finally decided it's not so bad after all cos i still have friends and Mother and Father. andandand my favourite green underwear which was old and smelly and really really wrinkled but most definitely, definitely still mine.

so there see if i care.