this is harder than I thought. dealing with all of it all at the same time. I think I've got too much on my plate. I want to be a good colleague, a good friend, a good daughter. and a good somebody to someone. January's been so much more than what 2005 had been as a year. and that's saying alot. in just one month I've done all this, and I'm tired. I really, really am.
maybe I'll always be attracted to people who are fatally flawed. maybe I'm developing some kind of God complex, where being around those who have emotional problems make me seem strangely...normal. and empowered, like I have what it takes to make them feel better, think better, work better. but I don't- not really.
so that just makes me complex, right?
doesn't make it any better though.
why did so many things have to happen tonight. I'm trying to make your problems go away so you can have one night of peace at home. I'm trying to keep awake so I can talk to friends whom I haven't heard from for a very long time, and simultaneously I wonder if we'll remain close like nothing's changed. tonight will tell us everything has. I'm also trying to keep sane so I can have a good rest the next few days, without having to prod my brain for excuses as to why I'd rather be with Mon than out with my colleagues and have lunch at a non-halal chinese restaurant. it's like being different goes unnoticed and people always expect a little bit more from you.
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