how it's like working at 19.

I can't believe after all that work I've done, it's still only Monday.

you know at first, it seemed pretty harsh to be working, especially for someone like me. suddenly after graduating I'm expected to get a job, go do whatever it is that adults do and it doesn't matter how uncomfortable or frightening it is- you just gotta do it. cos it's expected of us. we're supposed to actually make use of all those things we've learnt from school. (but for the record, like what?) initially I must admit I was apprehensive about taking up a job. I mean, I still think I'm rather naive and ignorant for someone this old. so I was abit amused at how gung-ho I seemed last week- I was enthusiastic, wanted to try everything, said yes to everything, just to forget that I'm in a new environment and all those people are at least 8 years older than me.

and then Monday came. oh Monday, Monday, how I hate you so much. I had to complete tons of things by 6pm, because the boss is away and everyone's more edgy now since we don't really have someone who can guide us. my colleagues are giving random instructions and I'm trying to keep up but they just keep on coming and coming and coming. sometimes I feel a rush just bursting inside of me because of all the pressure, like it felt strangely good, but I thought that seemed crazy so I did nothing about it. anyway everything ended well, but see there's still tomorrow to worry about.

thank God we get paid for this shit. (then I wonder why I find volunteer work enjoyable.)

I still remember the one smartest thing my oldest friend Fai said to me. think he said it when I was madly studying for the As, something like

"if you work for a living then why do you kill yourself working?"

after that I had new-found respect for him. now and then I think about it and try my best to take things slow, because he's right. I know I can be very obsessed when it comes to working. like I said, with no committments to anything else, it's easy to get drawn in by those long hours at the computer, sipping coffee like it's the most natural thing you could do. I see myself not being able to live for anything else but this job, no matter how much I'm going to complain about it. in this perverse way I want to continue being attached to my work, because it's giving me so much purpose and it's much more fast-paced than being in school, so the change is somewhat refreshing. isn't it!?

my best friend called me earlier today and said I am sad. now I know she didn't mean emotionally.