you are a gift promised sent with a wink.

it's true that things are so much easier to accept when you try to open up. to be impulsive, and seize that one opportunity where there is the slightest chance that it could be all you'll ever need. I took the plunge last night. actually I took it twice, with two very different people. and the outcome wasn't what I'd expected, because somehow when it came to only them, my thoughts have always been doubtful.

I will remain candid for as long as it brings me good. I will make no more reservations when it comes to saying how I feel. at times I know I hold myself back, because of that silly possibility I might jinx what's been said. cos one you've said it, it'll be out there and floating all about, and you can never take it back.

sometimes it's good, other times...not so.

I really don't care about his past. or what he thinks of me today (impulsive, confident, intimidating). I am all of those, and I'm so glad I am because it landed me exactly where I wanted to be. maybe I love him, maybe I just love the idea of what he's all about. he knows it and that's done. I'm abashed to even think we'd never go far. because we're good now, aren't we.

I think it was stupid of me to believe I've been in this rut the whole of last year because of one due I hadn't paid yet. well I still believe in it, so last night I decided to make amends. I'm now on relatively acceptable terms with an old friend, someone who was rumoured to have liked me. well it was true, but nothing I did had ever made the awkwardness of the situation better. so I'm glad we talked, most importantly I'm glad I made the first move. or another year of fruitless attraction awaits me.

never mess with karma.